


Ultimate Ahoge Bitches

by shushie



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hope's Peak Academy (Dangan Ronpa), Alternate Universe - Non-Despair (Dangan Ronpa), Bisexual Hinata Hajime, Crack, Crushes, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, Hinata Hajime & Kamukura Izuru Are Twins, Lesbian Akamatsu Kaede, Lesbian Naegi Komaru, M/M, Memes, Mild Language, Pansexual Naegi Makoto, Swearing, Trans Saihara Shuichi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-12
Updated: 2020-11-03
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:47:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 2,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23111188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shushie/pseuds/shushie
Summary: WARNING:This fanfic contains swearing and bad grammar on purpose. You have been warned...Makoto makes a group chat for his protagonist friends...Cue the chaos and gay!
Relationships: Akamatsu Kaede/Harukawa Maki, Fukawa Touko/Naegi Komaru, Hinata Hajime/Komaeda Nagito, Momota Kaito/Saihara Shuichi, Naegi Makoto/Togami Byakuya
Comments: 5
Kudos: 246





	1. The beginning of hell (+Crushes)

**Author's Note:**

> This is gonna be a bit different. I wanted to make a group chat with the protagonists being gay for so long. I might add more ships later and have them have multiple crushes.
> 
> This is gonna have more than one chapter btw.
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> (Also Makotos pan and Komarus lesbian in this. I couldn't tag it so I'm writing it here)

naeggi has created Ultimate Ahoge Bitches  
naeggi has added 4 people to the group chat

dekomaru: wut is this

kayayde: owo

succi: akamatsu dont

hajimeme: naegi wtf r u doin

naeggi: I made a gc

hajimeme: yea I can see that but why

naeggi: cos why not

succi: hey could you change my name

naeggi: nnnooppee

succi: aw come on

kayayde: what do we even do

dekomaru: we talk duh

kayayde: about what

naeggi: about komarus crush on toko that's what

dekomaru: nuuuu

kayayde: give us the tea

succi: ☕☕

hajimeme: ☕☕

kayayde: ☕☕ spill

dekomaru: cmon guys pls dont

dekomaru: MAKOTO I SEE U TYPING DONT

naeggi: today at lunch fukawa put her apple in the bin and komaru went to give it back

hajimeme: *komaedas house

naeggi: right srry

dekomaru: NO I DIDN'T!

kayayde: stinkkyy

hajimeme: wash your hands, you DETTY PIG

dekomaru: IM TELLING YOU ITS NOT TRUE

naeggi: then she said to fukawa 'I think you dropped this'

dekomaru: makoto if u dont shut up then im gonna say what happened with togami today

naeggi: NO DONT

hajimeme: no way u like togami??

hajimeme: srsly

naeggi: look hes hot ok

succi: hes a rich prick

naeggi: at least he doesnt look like a eggplant

kayayde:oooohh he just insulted your man

succi: hes not my man

succi: yet

succi: oh yea akamatsu what about u and harukawa

kayayde:no didn't do it. she left b4 I could say smth

hajimeme: yall pussies

naeggi: youre not any better

hajimeme: komaeda will come round

dekomaru: you only say that cos youre too scared to confess yourself

hajimeme: can we pls go back to what we were talking bout b4

naeggi: nahhh


	2. Late Night Talks (+Sad Trans Shuichi and 1 Dirty Joke)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a normal conversation with your friends at 2am

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: This chapter contains swearing, a dirty joke and a tiny bit of angst. You have been warned...  
> (The angst isn't really connected to the dirty joke btw)  
> (Also I figured out how to make tags so yay)

succi: hey is anyone awake

kayayday: go to bed saihara its 2 in the morning

succi: i cant tho

kayayday: why not

succi: i rather not talk about it

hajimeme: wut the hell r u two talking about

succi: srry did we wake u?

hajimeme: no  
hajimeme: ive been awake for nearly 12 hours

succi: same

kayayday: r u 2 ok?

hajimeme: short answer no 

dekomaru: are you guys having a gay panic attack as well?

kayayday: shit how did u know

dekomaru: lesbian powers  
dekomaru: wbu 2

succi: well sorta

hajimeme: i blame souda

dekomaru: lol why

hajimeme: he thinks playing the trumpet is a good idea  
hajimeme: tanakas gonna dump his ass just u wait

kayayday: someones salty

hajimeme: hell yea i am  
hajimeme: how did he get a bf b4 me??

succi: he was replaced by a robot

kayayday: 🤔🤔🤔

hajimeme: at this point i will take any explanation

dekomaru: guys im scared  
dekomaru: prof towa is outside my window  
dekomaru: and hes looking straight at me

kayayday: hes such a creep

dekomaru: ikr

succi: doesnt he hany round hopes peak elementary

hajimeme: yea hes 'waiting for his daughter'

dekomaru: thats bs  
dekomaru: no girl whos sane would be with him  
dekomaru: phew hes gone

kayayday: ANYWAY  
kayayday: SAIHARA  
kayayday: whats wrong

succi: nothing

kayayday: thats a lie  
kayayday: if u r fine then y did u text us at 2am

succi: dysphoria

kayayday: oh

dekomaru: i dont understand

succi: its hard to explain  
succi: i guess im never happy in my body

dekomaru: oh  
dekomaru: that sucks

succi: yea and im also scared of what will happen if I tell more people  
succi: especially momota  
succi: what if he wont want to be my friend anymore

kayayday: cheer up sai it doesnt matter who u were b4 all that matters is who u are now  
kayayday: if ppl dont see that then they're not worth it

succi: ur right  
succi: thnks

kayayday: and I dont think you have to worry about momota  
kayayday: he LOOOVVVESSS you

succi: AKAMATSU!

hajimeme: HA GAYY

dekomaru: thats pretty gay

naeggi: yooo, wut did I miss??

kayayday: most of the conversation

naeggi: lol

hajimeme: did u just wake up

naeggi: nah i was awake for a while

hajimeme: doin what? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

succi: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

kayayday: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

dekomaru: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

hajimeme: so were u bottom and top

naeggi: GODDAMMIT GUYS STOP

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	3. God Dammit Izuru (+ KomaHina)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You know what time it is!  
> (honestly I have no idea how to summarise this it's all in the title anyway)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Its ya gorl back at it again with the gay protag gc fanfic!  
> I was stuck on what to write for this chapter but at the same time I was procrastinating.  
> I got basic ideas for fanfics but idk how to write them.
> 
> Anyway, enjoy this chapter!

naeggi: hey yall  
naeggi: whatcha doin

kayayday: why r u talkin like a cowboi

dekomaru: leave him be

naeggi: i wanna be a cowboi baby

dekomaru: hell yea

naeggi: I WANNA BE A COWBOI BBY  
naeggi: but for real  
naeggi: wut u guys doin

kayayday: tryna figure out a new piano piece

dekomaru: im hangin out with toko in her bedroom

naeggi: oooohhh  
naeggi: what r u lovebirds up to huh

dekomaru: what r u talkin about  
dekomaru: we're just hanging out

naeggi: uh huh  
naeggi: 'hanging out'

dekomaru: IM SERIOUS

naeggi: ok ok

succi: what's up guys  
succi: i just got back from training with momota and harukawa

kayayday: oh cool  
kayayday: hows harukawa

succi: why dont u ask her urself

naeggi: is someone too shhyyyy

dekomaru: ooooohhh

kayayday: hey none of u have the right to do that  
kayayday: youre all as bad as me

dekomaru: true

naeggi: u got a point

succi: ya

hajimeme: guys hELP

naeggi: oh shit

dekomaru: what up

hajimeme: im at the mall with izuru  
hajimeme: and komaedas there!!  
hajimeme: what do I do

succi: run

dekomaru: stay still and he probs wont notice u

kayayday: why dont u just talk to him

hajimeme: easier said than done  
hajimeme: last time we talked i called him a mop and ran away

kayayday: lol

hajimeme: OH SHIT HE NOTICED ME!!  
hajimeme: I GOTTA DO SOMETHING NOW

naeggi: ask kamakura. he has every ultimate ever after all. theres gotta be an ultimate love advisor or smth

hajimeme: holy shit ur right  
hajimeme: brb  
hajimeme: This is Izuru Kamakura. Are you my brothers friends?

naeggi: wut happened to hinata

dekomaru: you KILLED HIM

succi: RIP

kayayday: RIP

hajimeme: I didn't kill him.  
hajimeme: I just have his phone.  
hajimeme: He asked for advice and I told him to ask him out.  
hajimeme: Or well, forced him to.  
hajimeme: He's talking to Komaeda right now.  
hajimeme: I'm giving you updates.

dekomaru: oooohhhh

kayayday: wuts happin

hajimeme: He's stuttering.  
hajimeme: A lot.  
hajimeme: And now he's touching Komaedas hair really awkwardly.

succi: lol i can only imagine how awkward it is

kayayday: same

hajimeme: Now Hajime seems to be actually asking him out.  
hajimeme: Komaeda nodded. So I'm guessing it's a yes.

dekomaru: YESSSS  
dekomaru: he did it

naeggi: i never thought this day would come 😢

kayayday: none of us did

hajimeme: guys GUESS WHAT

succi: we know hinata

kayayday: kamakura told us

hajimeme: oh  
hajimeme: dammit izuru

dekomaru: thats just the sibling life

naeggi: im right here yk  
naeggi: that settles it when u get home imma nag you

dekomaru: nooo pls dont

kayayday: lol rip

succi: rip

hajimeme: rip

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kamakura, kamakura yas queen! (I'm sorry I had to)
> 
> I feel like I could've have the izuru part longer but oh well!
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	4. Update (I'm not dead)

I'm back

It's been a while since I updated this

3 months.

Dont worry I'll be working this again.

I'm not abandoning this

I'll start off with Hajime and Nagitos date. I think I might post it as a separate fanfic so watch out for that. It will still connect to this world so if anyone is curious about it.

Thanks for reading so far into this crackpot world.

Also, thanks for over 1000+ reads. I appreciate it.

(Oh and I'm also thinking of some werid sole survivor v3 au wheres theres another killing game after the 53rd one but I need time to think of original characters before I post more of it)


	5. 😈🏳️🌈Lair of The Ultimate Gays🏳️🌈👿

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's a special short chapter where the antagonists also have a group chat  
> (Still takes place in the UAB world so this is still sorta canon in the fic)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reminder: This takes place after chapter 3 of this fic.
> 
> I always wanted to a chapter with the antagonists gc so here it is
> 
> It's a bit short than I hoped it would be but this gives some inside thoughts of them
> 
> I hope you enjoy! :)

😈🏳️🌈Lair of The Ultimate Gays🏳️🌈👿  
Mr Crabs, HopeBAGELS, Kuckichi

HopeBAGELS: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Kuckichi: owo?

HopeBAGELS: HINATA ASKED IF I WANTED TO HANG OUT NEXT WEEK  
HopeBAGELS: THE AMOUNT OF HOPE IM FEELING RN I-

Kuckichi: yea yea and shumai asked me out and you dont see me freaking out about it  
Kuckichi: nishshshi thats a lie he hasnt ask me out  
Kuckichi:yet

Mr Crabs: What is all of this about?

Kuckichi: moneybags can you believe it  
Kuckichi: that bald seaweed garbage fire got asked out first

HopeBAGELS: thats right

Kuckichi: hey has dr eggman ask you out yet

Mr Crabs: First off, don't call me 'moneybags'  
Mr Crabs: Second, I don't have time to waste talking on this stupid group chat with any of you.

Kuckichi: aww you dont have to be so mean  
Kuckichi: just because your crush didn't ask you out first doesnt mean you have to take it out on us

Mr Crabs: Why should I care about that plebeain. And I certainly don't have any sort of feelings for him!

Kuckichi: is togami-chan jeaaaloouss

Mr Crabs: Jealous? I don't have to be jealous of anyone!

HopeBAGELS: dont worry I'm sure someday you'll have good luck  
HopeBAGELS: all you gotta do is stop being such a prick and have hope

Mr Crabs has left 😈🏳️🌈Lair of The Ultimate Gays🏳️🌈👿

HopeBAGELS: ah i made him leave once again i ruin everything

Kuckichi: jeez you gotta stop its annoying  
Kuckichi: hes just being tsudere i'll add him back later

Kuckichi had Mr Crabs to 😈🏳️🌈Lair of The Ultimate Gays🏳️🌈👿

Kuckichi: thats a lie! Nyhehehe!

Mr Crabs: Why do I even bother?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! :)


	6. The Superior Persona (+ Name Changes and A Continuation Of What A Lovely Night (sorta))

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of Persona? In my DanganronpaChat Fic??! Its more likely than you think!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This takes place during + a bit after What A Lovely Night, a fic that feels like I wrote ages ago, but we're back baby!  
>  (Promise I won't die again)

👌🏳️🌈Ultimate Ahoge Bitches🏳️🌈👌  
Naeggi, Hajimeme, Dekomaru, Kayayday, Succi

Kayayday: hey hinata are you still waiting for komaeda  
Kayayday: hinata?  
Kayayday: @Hajimeme

Dekomaru: YO OJ BOY U UP  
Dekomaru: @Hajimeme @Hajimeme @Hajimeme @Hajimeme

Kayayday: weird, he'd usually answer by now telling us to shut up

Dekomaru: 2 possibilities  
Dekomaru: either he's busy crying himself to sleep over rejection(mood)  
Dekomaru: or he's been kidnapped

Kayayday: Komaru.

Dekomaru: what? It could happen

Kayayday: do you think before you say stuff sometimes

Dekomaru: no

Succi: guys its past midnight go TO SLEEP

Dekomaru: you think being up past midnight is gonna hurt me  
Dekomaru: whats the worst that could happen, the sky turning green, shadows roam the earth and everyone gets replaced with coffins

Succi: ._. Is that  
Succi: is that a persona 3 reference

Dekomaru: besides we have a PRESSING MATTER at hand  
Dekomaru: hinata isn't responding with his usual retorts of telling us to fuck ourselves or some shit  
Dekomaru: he's been KIDNAPPED

Succi: or komaeda actually came for him for their date

Dekomaru: oh yeah forgot that was a possibility

Kayayday: bruh  
Kayayday: not to be rude but how could you forget when he was literally screaming about it all week on the chat

Dekomaru: jeez sorry I don't have enough brain capacity to remember  
Dekomaru: my head is full rn with toko  
Dekomaru: no thoughts head gay

Succi: I'm not done  
Succi: komaru did you seriously just make a p3 reference

Dekomaru: perhaps

Succi: DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT MAKE A PERSONA REFERENCE

Kayayday: p4 is superior change my mind

Dekomaru: nuh uh its p5

Succi: FOOLS its p3

Kayayday: SPILT OPINION

Naeggi: haha  
Naeggi: 'fools'

Dekomaru: makoto tell them that p5 is the best persona

Naeggi: I mean its fine ig  
Naeggi: I like all the games equally so I can't really pico a favourite  
Naeggi: anyways so since hinata is gone I have an idea

Succi: uh oh  
Succi: this won't be good

Naeggi: saihara you don't trust me  
Naeggi: but I'm bby🥺

Succi: nuh uh I am NOT falling for that

Dekomaru: makoto we all know that's a fucking lie  
Dekomaru: we know who you really are  
Dekomaru: you may normally the civil one but when you're chaotic, you're really chaotic

-Naeggi has changed their name to makotoes-

Dekomaru: makoto NO

Makotoes: you're next

-Makotoes has changed Dekomaru's name to big brother complex-

big brother complex: HEY  
big brother complex: I demand a rename

Makotoes: no

-Makotoes has changed Succis name to REACH OUT TO THE TRUTH-

REACH OUT TO THE TRUTH: um I uh

Makotoes : you prefer emo boy?

REACH OUT TO THE TRUTH: nvm

-Makotoes has changed Kayayday's name to proof that female protagonists can't exist-

proof that female protagonists can't exist: rude

-Makotoes has changed Hajimeme's name to tsunde-bitch-

proof that female protagonists can't exist: omg

REACH OUT TO THE TRUTH: he's gonna be so mad and confused

Makotoes: I know that's the point😁  
Makotoes: speaking of, whens he coming back

big brother complex: you think he died

proof that female protagonists can't exist: probably

big brother complex: damn 😔

Makotoes: guys i can't believe hinata is fucking dead

\--------------------------------

tsunde-bitch: GUYS GUYS GUUUUYYYYSSSSSS  
tsunde-bitch: OK fuck you naegi

Makotoes: love you too❤

tsunde-bitch: die  
tsunde-bitch: ANYWAYS  
tsunde-bitch: I dont know whether to laugh or cry cos tonight was either the best or the worst night of my life

big brother complex: what happened

tsunde-bitch: HAHAHAHAHA  
tsunde-bitch: I mean its true but-

big brother complex: shut up I don't have a brother complex

REACH OUT TO THE TRUTH: lies

proof that female protagonists can't exist: lies

big brother complex: I hate you all

tsunde-bitch: SO BACK TO WHAT I WAS SAYING-  
tsunde-bitch: KOMAEDA  
tsunde-bitch: KISSED  
tsunde-bitch: ME  
tsunde-bitch: ON  
tsunde-bitch: THE  
tsunde-bitch: LIPS

big brother complex: poggers

REACH OUT TO THE TRUTH: Congrats

tsunde-bitch: he also said something weird after  
tsunde-bitch: he said that we both learned something new about each other  
tsunde-bitch: like WTF IS THAT SUPPOSE TO MEAN  
tsunde-bitch: AND I SAID THAT I CARE ABOUT HIM  
tsunde-bitch: WHHHHYYYYY DID I ADMIT IT WHEN I JUST SLAPPED HIM FOR BEING CRAZY AGAIN....

proof that female protagonists can't exist: komaeda really is a strange one isn't he

Makotoes: you just realise that now

tsunde-bitch: but ffffuuuuccckk what am I suppose to do on Monday  
tsunde-bitch: of course it would be easy to avoid him in the hallways but he literally sits in front of me in class

proof that female protagonists can't exist: hopefully you will have calmed down about it by then

tsunde-bitch: yea hopefully

REACH OUT TO THE TRUTH: now GO TO SLEEP  
REACH OUT TO THE TRUTH: ALL OF YOU

big brother complex: yes sir

proof that female protagonists can't exist: but first hinata  
proof that female protagonists can't exist: whats the superior persona  
proof that female protagonists can't exist: P3, 4 or 5?

tsunde-bitch: Persona 4 obviously

big brother complex: fuck

proof that female protagonists can't exist: ha

\--------------------------------

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!  
> I do imagine that Hajime likes P4 the best but P2 is a close second.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry if this was a bit cringy and that it ended on an awkward note. I didn't know how to end it. I have a few ideas for this fanfic that I wanna implent but idk where
> 
> Anyways, Thanks for reading!


End file.
